What is leverage? I define leverage as using something small to control or change something large. We all know the example of a car jack. A car jack physically moves the car upwards because no human can lift a car. We push the lever up and down until the car slowly rises.
The funny thing is that children are leverage experts. Just like the definition says, they use something smaller (usually personal space, body distance, whining, and beginning) to control something larger (adults). Children don’t want to do this just to get on parents nerves. They really have no other choice because they are physically smaller, weaker, and have no power over any grown up.
So what children tend to do is to create ways to get their needs met. car jack for oil change They have to negotiate in a world of giants (parents). These “giants”, for the most part, do not have a set routine, they don’t communicate predictability, and many of the times are all over the place.
What I mean the parents are “all over the place” that most parents are unaware of the nonverbal messages they are sending to their child. Parents are unaware of reality communication I discussed in the article “Reality Communication – What is Really Going on Non-Verbally Between Parent and Child?”
Just to recap reality communication is the actual outcome of any parent/child interaction. This outcome is going to send an unspoken message to a child/teen. What this “unspoken message says” to your child or teen is that you will follow through on what you ask your child to do, or you will not follow through on what you ask your child to do.
So the best way to have leverage when dealing with your child explosive behavior is to first become aware of the reality communications being sent to your child. The second thing to do, once you can see that you are sending messages that you are not intending to, make sure you follow through on the directions you give to you child/teen.
Do you want to learn exactly how to eliminate your child’s out-of-control and defiant behavior without using Punishments, Time-Outs, Behavioral Plans, or Rewards?